Survival of the Thickest


A lot has been noted recently about the world’s burgeoning population: from the pressure it is placing on natural resources to the challenges facing social security given that, well… old folk just don’t die like they used to.

Now there are lots of proposals that might curb population growth by controlling the birth rate, but it occurred to me this week that maybe we’ve been working against nature on ‘the other end’ of the equation.

You see, Mother Nature used to use this neat trick called “survival of the fittest” to weed out the shallower end of the gene pool – but thanks to a litigious society and laws that allow the dumb to sue others for their own stupidity, we’ve started helping the unfit survive.

My ‘aha’ moment was a foil package in my FreshDirect box, which keeps my ice-cream sandwiches from melting while they are delivered.  Printed on the  outside, there’s only one small phrase: “not for microwave use”.  So I have two issues with this:

  1. Who microwaves their ice-cream?
  2. Even if they do for some reason… who DOESN’T know by now that you can’t microwave foil products? It’s just one of those things you should know, like ‘don’t put your hand in the blender’.

But this warning is just a symptom of a bigger disease. On Queens Boulevard in New York – a 12-lane thoroughfare in places, they post signs like

Attention clueless: 12-lanes of traffic might just be dangerous!

the one on the right, saying “a pedestrian died here” so people will cross with care. Now I know that this road has been called the “Boulevard of Death”, but if a person is not smart enough to see the 12 lanes of high speed traffic, and follow the regular pedestrian “don’t walk” lights, then I think they’re probably not contributing a lot to the gene pool – except perhaps a ‘sneaky leak’ when they think no-one is looking.

But by comparison to some product warnings, this road warning seems ostensibly reasonable.  Fark.com made a list of the best, of which I am particularly surprised that we are saving the lives of the idiots who might “hold the wrong end of a chainsaw”.

All I can say is that perhaps it’s time that we recanted a few laws and gave Mother Nature back the power to eliminate the weakest links, to restore balance to the universe – before I have to split my social security pension with someone who only made it to 65 thanks to the warning label that told them not to use their hair dryer while sleeping.

— Irish

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One Response to “Survival of the Thickest”

  1. Well this poses the question – why r stupid people allowed to breed?! Surely if we stopped this to some extent it would reduce both the population but also the need to put unnecessary warnings on labels..who has ever used a hair dryer in a bath? Why if something has a “caution:hot” sign are people compelled to test that by in fact touching it? Why do some creams, deodorants, etc say for external use only – hello?! I say we start where some obvious population control is needed – a certain black and white army of australia headed by one eddie maguire – theres 73000 clearly misguided and people who are reproducing and forcing children to become just as misguided – gosh with a workforce that big u would think they would start looking at a dental plan!

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