Seeing as though we are talking about stupid names…

Let’s face it — you all know who “Brangelina” is, and unless you are under the age of ten (or, possibly, over the age of 50) you also know that “Speidi” is no longer Peter Parker’s alter ego, but a much less talented and less newsworthy namesake.

It would be really easy and natural to rant here about the ridiculousness of celebri-couple names, but I decided it’s probably more original just to embrace it.  So instead of bemoaning them, I am going to suggest we bestow some historical “duo-nyms” upon the couples that came before this linguistic phenomenon.

Like “Joko”, for instance.  Oh come on, you know them… he was a Beatle.  She was more of a parasite.

Or how about (the even creepier) “Wood-Yi”. Why don’t they get a cutesy name?

Of course, we missed an opportunity with “JackJack” – America’s favorite first couple (okay, so to Republicans, perhaps that title goes to “Roncy”).  And who could forget old “Frankli-nor” – the war time uber-couple.


The original trashy parchment scroll: "Here Ye!"

On the other side of the ditch, the British Crown’s not letting us down either. Right now we have “Philizabeth” in the palace, and the next Royal Court has a great name too: “Charmilla” (hang on, wasn’t that a Pokemon?)

And how could I forget the original scandalous couple, “Anne-ry VIII”? It’s a little known (largely because I just made it up) fact that old Henry left Catherine of Aragon just because he didn’t like the ‘couple name’ coined by the trashy magazine of the day.

Keep going back to the past and there were so many opportunities missed…

Cleopantony? Or is that Antopatra?

How about Napolephine?

Or Johncahontas?

And Helenelaus – the celebri-name that launched a thousand ships.

But if we are talking couples here, surely there is one (albeit fictional) that rises above all others.  So I leave you with this question:  Would Shakespeare not have gotten more buzz for his little tragedy, if he had pitched his famed couple simply as “Romiet”?

— Irish

PS.. So let’s hear ’em folks! I am sure you are all much better at this than I am!


5 Responses to “Seeing as though we are talking about stupid names…”

  1. newrepub Says:

    1) Tomkat. Isn’t that a type of fighter plane, or a randy male feline?
    2) Jolan. If you don’t get that one, you never will. (Hint: Ballad of a migrant laborer.)
    3) Eliburton. Sounds like a corrupt company that fleeces taxpayers via government apporpriation of large diamond rings.
    4) Bennifer. Seriously, did he actually dump Jennifer Lopez, and shack up with Jennifer Garner instead? What an idiot.

  2. Kingdom Solace Says:

    Jackley?? Presson??

  3. Courto Says:

    My friends and I have taken to the sport of extending the modern day couple-naming convention to friendship couples. A recent example of this application was developed as a result of the ‘bro-mance’ between our friends Justin and Doug. Otherwise known as JuDo. A part from being amusing to everyone but JuDo, it has proven to be a highly efficient way of referring to the friendship pairing. With this in mind, I will begin referring to this blog partnership as ‘Clirish’.

    • clightnirish Says:

      Sorry Courto, but this won’t fly.

      By exposing the shocking extent of this compound-naming, we exempt ourselves from similar contagion.

      Consider this fact also: While JuDo is a perfectly natural pairing, clight and irish have never taken romantic photos on the shore holding hands against the sunset. Nor did we post such photos to Facebook.

  4. cj murphy Says:

    i enjoy ‘urbman’ – the greatest hero of them all…or ‘keicole’ – although i do think that seaworld should consider this as a name for a new killer whale!

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