Fixing the economy, one snack at a time


So the US Government buyout of GM (which now stands for Government Moneypit) was pretty-much necessary, but is clearly going to cost taxpayers a fortune going forward.

This got me to wondering… what other businesses could the Obama administration invest in to help get the balance sheet back into the black.  If GM is losing money, who seems to be gaining it hand over fist.

Looking around, there are a few that leap out to me as being big possibilities, given the profits they seem to turn out of my own wallet.

Number 1.  Cinema concession stands: seriously, this is a money spinner of the grandest scale!!! I recently had to take out a mortgage, just so I could buy my girlfriend a packet of Reese’s and a soda at the AMC. I’ll pay them off in 2039.  At least if Obama introduces public health care as he plans, then we’ll actually be able to afford the next day surgery to correct whatever 3 cubic feet of popcorn does to your duodenum!

Number 2. Fortified water. We’re all spending an unhealthy amount of money on what is essentially available free from a tap. Don’t get me wrong, I down crazy amounts of XXX myself – but largely just for the taste. I don’t really think it’s anti-oxidizing any part of me… So why then do I pay more? What I buy for a buck 75 must cost all of 6 cents to manufacture and another 10 cents to distribute.  We could pay off the foreign debt in the space of just a few hot summer days, just with the launch of new “H2Obama” – now with 30% more charisma. (I know some of our readers that think the rest of us “drank the Obama Kool-Aid” long ago anyway.)

Number 3. Fro-Yo, y’all! It’s a simple formula. Take some old milk. Let it curdle. Grow some cultures in it. Freeze. Pour into cup. Add 50c worth of fruit or cereal or candy. Then charge $7 and watch people line up down the block for the privilege.  (The whole process is faster if done in NYC, because milk goes off two days earlier, remember!) Then just name it with this simple formula “COLOR+FRUIT=froyo joint”. You know the drill… PinkBerry, RedMango… maybe the administration can open “Red,White&BluePeach”? Clightnirish Inc has already trademarked “OrangeOrange”, which will only sell one flavor of froyo and the same fruit as topping: coconut.

So that is three simple ideas… Something tells me Clight will have a few more up his sleeve.  Can’t be long before we get the call for a meeting in the Oval Office, I would think. Damn that “Presidents must be born in the US” rule: “Clight/Irish 2012” has a certain ring to it.

–Irish

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One Response to “Fixing the economy, one snack at a time”

  1. Kingdom Solace Says:

    I remember this great qoute form a crappy movie; “…son, your ego is writing checks that you’re body can’t cash”

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