Where Have You Gone, Mr. Burgundy?

Irish raises an important subject. I think he’s hit the nail on the head about the way people “deal” with celebrity tragedy.  However, it also highlights another sad fact of modern journalism: the decline and fall of the Anchorman (surely a subject worth of Gibbon?).

Gone are the days when the likes of Walter Cronkite or even Peter Jennings added a certain gravitas to to our nightly spoon-feeding of TV news.   Now we’re subjected to pitiful specimens like Anderson Cooper, Keith Olberman or Bill O’Reilly (I except Michelle Malkin from this diatribe for obvious reasons. It’s just science.)

What the hell is with Anderson Cooper’s hair? Is he 25 or 55? Perhaps it’s just me, but I wish he would make up his mind.  Speaking of hair, one of the local New York news anchors looks an awful lot like Grandpa Munster.  Someone must have told him, because the white streaks at his temples recently disappeared.  An emergency mission by Hair Club for Men, methinks.

Keith Olbermann doesn’t mind the white streaks, but he thinks he’s far more eloquent than he is. OK, Keith, we get it – you want to be Edward R Murrow. The trouble is, Ed Murrow had a mind of his own, he wasn’t just parroting the latest talking points with flowery prose.  And he wasn’t such a bore. Plus, he got to smoke cigarettes on live TV, and you’ll never top that.

Bill O’Reilly – there’s a man with a mind of his own. Well, not quite; Fox News got a 99-year lease on it, from the central hive brain of the Republican Party’s Neocon department.  So, in effect he’s like the Hong Kong of cable television.  As for eloquence, I’d like to see that self-styled Conservative pull off true eloquence, Ronald Regan style: “They slipped the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God.” That man made you believe in God; he could have an die-hard atheist pimping for the Lord in a matter of minutes.

I’ll give you one anchor who didn’t suffer from such deficiencies: Ron Burgundy.

If Ron Burgundy says it, it's true.

If Ron Burgundy says it, it's true.

His hair was perfect. Even his mustache was styled with a certain manly flair that said “San Diego, you can trust this man, for he has immaculate facial hair.”  Vanity was not a problem for Ron Burgundy – it was justified. He knew quite well that every woman between Chula Vista and Oceanside longed for a night with his jazz flute playing “Aqualung.”  As for eloquence: “I’m a man who discovered the wheel, and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal, and brawn! That’s what kind of man I am.” RonBurgundyI dare any of the three I mentioned to make that sound like a cross between Descartes and H.G. Welles, or bring wit to a phrase like “You’re a smelly pirate hooker!” Ron Burgundy did.


One Response to “Where Have You Gone, Mr. Burgundy?”

  1. […] big – were the day Clight mentioned Ron Burgundy and yesterday when he wrote about Blades of Glory. Will Ferrell: face it… he's why you came […]

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