The “Empire Carpet & Flooring” Post of the Week


Is there anything left in the modern world that someone has not yet sponsored?

I just caught Jimmy Fallon crossing to his next guest “in the Bud Light with Lime Green Room” which featured a prominent neon BL logo twice as big as his guest. I mean, come on, the green room? Really? The whole point is that that room is NOT on TV! Now you show it just to add a buck to GE’s bottom line?

We have sponsored ballparks and arenas like Nokia Theater (for live ringtone performances?), sponsored planes, even sponsored miles of highways. In England I even saw giant logos on the blankets of sheep in fields along the motorways.

It seems nothing is off limits, so I have a few propositions to put forward:

– the Lincoln Lincoln Memorial
– the Viagra Empire State Building elevators: “getting you up every time”
– Travelocity Air Force One
– quickly countered by the Orbitz International Space Station
– Beano could just sponsor the whole City of Chicago: “got wind?”
– the Seek.com Search for Osama bin Laden
– the Stride Gum War in Iraq: “you won’t believe how long it lasts!”
– every hospital should have a FedEx Delivery Ward for expectant mothers and a Windows Vista Operating Room
– France could have the “Trojan” Eiffel Tower, only to be outdone by the Magnum Washington Monument
– the Colgate Total White House is an obvious opportunity
– the Fox News Republican Party (already well into negotiations from what I can tell)
– Mount Rushmore, brought to you by Botox: “the same expression for 70 years”
– with a lick of yellow paint St. Louis could have the McDonald’s Gateway Arch
– in the world of finance we could have the PayPal National Debt and the Paris Hilton Global Financial Crisis: “still going down”
– hell, why not just start auctioning naming rights to whole states: Kraft has a chance to rename “Mac’N’Cheese-setts”, ConEd-icutt is a no brainer, and Apple might as well just change the capitalization and buy into iDaho and iOwa.

Now if you will excuse me I have to go finalize my own sponsorship deal with Irish Spring.

— Irish

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