Manner Laundering

Question: how long should go by before you can touch your neighbor’s undies?

Now, don’t get all hot under the collar — I don’t mean in the “key is under the mat, let yourself in anytime” kind of way. I mean in the laundry room in my building…

If all the machines are full and most are finished and I wait ten minutes and still no-one comes to empty them, can I flip theirs into a cart, and load up? What is the social more in terms of “acceptable elapsed time”?

And is there an etiquette to choosing which machine I empty? The one that was finished earliest? Or is there some inspection protocol, for example, after the allotted time period elapses:
1. If any machine has only towels, it goes first (both quicker and less intrusive)
2. then any machine with clothing, but NO visible underwear. Socks are acceptable.
3. if – AND ONLY IF – all machines contain underwear, then you MUST only proceed if you are a woman (a dude should not touch another dude’s undies, and a guy touching a girls knickers if you don’t know her is just creepy.) Obviously a woman will only touch another woman’s knickers, as they don’t even want to touch their significant other’s cockpockets if they can help it, let alone your disgusting skidmarked Y-fronts.

There are so many other rules to think about: are gloves required? Same or different rule for dryers? Are any items off limits totally to touching (thongs, teddies, ass-less chaps)? Is the leaving of a note necessary?

If anyone has the answers, please comment, else I think we should ask Mayor Bloomberg to convene a special committee on this topic before there is some kind of laundry-related shooting.

— Irish