Ten for ’10

Rather than reminisce on the small stuff of 2009, I thought it might be more interesting to make some predictions for 2010’s most frivolous goings-on-to-be…

Number 1: The public will issue a cumulative groan when a new Jon & Kate program is announced. But emotions will turn positive when it is revealed that the program tracks 3 teams of snipers, legally allowed to shoot them if they ever appear within 50 feet of a TV camera.

Number 2: Tiger Woods will return to golf, but secretly rue getting his comeback win at The Players’ Championship.

Number 3: Sarah Palin’s book will stay on the best-seller list well into the summer, because Republicans and their money are easily separated.

Number 4: Americans will be “so into” soccer until the end of the preliminary rounds of the World Cup and then revert to seeing the whole game as just “too gay”. So, they’ll go back to watching men play football wearing shiny tights instead.

Number 5: Airline security measures will become so strict that not one terrorist act will occur on a plane in 2010. Meanwhile, the airlines will all go bust because no-one is flying at all under the new “pre-flight colonoscopy” rule.

Number 6: Someone will actually market a “synthetic blood” drink to cash in on all the ridiculous vampire hype. It’s initial popularity will wane after the 16-year-old target market realizes they finally ended up drinking that V8 juice their mom had been forcing on them for years.

Number 7: Four Words: Worldwide Tube Sock Shortage!

Number 8: The TV networks will lobby to allow a controversial third term for George W Bush in 2012, just to secure the future of all their late night TV shows. Tina Fey’s career will skyrocket again when he names his running mate.

Number 9: Clight’n’Irish t-shirts will become all the rage in hip Williamsburg hangouts. But still no-one will read this blog.

Number 10: It will take until well into July for the slower people out there to stop calling it “oh-ten”.

So, readers, which prediction do you think is most likely to materialize?

— Irish


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