The Award for Best Oscar goes to…


Well, it’s once again Hollywood’s “night of nights” (not to be confused with medieval Camelot’s “night of knights”) and the world will again gather around it’s TV screens to shower awards upon celebrities of every name EXCEPT ‘Oscar’.

That’s right… despite appropriating the name for its own commercial gain, this mysterious cult referred to only as “The Academy” continually fails to recognize contenders who actually sport the moniker ‘Oscar’. These guys keep these cheesy awards top-of-mind all year long, but what do they get in return? Nada.

Well, we are going to right that wrong tonight by awarding our own award for “Best Oscar in an Oscarly Role”.

And the nominees are…

– Oscar de la Hoya: not only is this guy a boxing champion in six weight grades, an Olympic Gold medallist and the highest-grossing pay-per-view fighter of all time, but he has done the name Oscar proud outside the ring, by co-authoring a children’s book named “Super Oscar” AND releasing a Latin pop album that was nominated for a Grammy (not ALL major awards snub ‘Oscars’ it seems).

– Oscar the Grouch: despite the PC police trying to make Oscar only “occassionally moody”, so as not to teach kids that it’s okay to be a grumpybum all the time, Oscar has continued to be the lone bastion of realism on the farce that is today’s Sesame Street. Amidst Elmo’s hyperactivity and Big Bird’s incessant singing, Oscar strikes a blow for all the pessimists out there with his dry and dark take on events. But can you blame him for being a bit cranky? He permanently has some guy’s hand up his clacker!!!

But the winner is…
– Oscar Nuñez: this star of the US version of “The Office” not only has the real name Oscar, but also plays a CHARACTER named Oscar. Talk about commitment to a cause. I would not be surprised to find out his middle name is also Oscar. And his character has really emerged as quite the sharp wit during this series: for example “No, the hospital supplies the dictionaries, but you should maybe pack a thesaurus”. Now THAT is some “Oscar Gold”.

Congratulations to Oscar, and to all the nominated Oscars.

And to all you other Oscars: it could be you in 2011.

— Irish

Commercial disclosure: Clight & Irish’s tuxedos for the ceremony provided by Oscar de la Renta. Event catering (and transport) provided by Oscar Mayer.

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