The Purple versus Clight’n’Irish

Oh no... they got another one. OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!

Two weeks in the fashion meccas of Paris and London, and one memory is burned in my mind above all others. Purple. Everywhere.

People seem to have become purple crazy. And no, I don’t mean “women”. I mean “people”.

Clearly purple is “the new black”. It was everywhere – we saw whole groups each wearing something purple sit at tables in places we ate. Guys teaming a lavender shirt with a violet tie and an aubergine sweater. Purple hats abounded. Purple stockings. Oh, dear God, we even saw purple arm-warmers in action.

Now, I have nothing against purple per se, but not so long ago, people would avoid purple like the plague, not wanting to go out “looking like a giant bruise” or “impersonating Barney the dinosaur”. It can’t possibly have turned around its fortunes so quickly: there has to be something more sinister behind this dastardly plot.

The only explanation is that some kind of evil genius has finally gotten to (The Artist Once Again Known as) Prince. Having brainwashed the diminutive man-diva, they now have control of the whole New Power Generation, and are using the Purple One’s powerbase to take over the Western world one cashmere pashmina at a time.

Given her recent Broadway revival of “The Color Purple”, there is good reason to believe that the evil genius behind this is none other than Oprah Winfrey herself.

I can’t think of a reason why she would choose to commit this atrocity – releasing this “hue of mass revulsion” upon the world. But, no matter how influential Oprah may be, purple must be stopped.

If you see someone of typically acceptable fashion taste suddenly switching to purple – even just a scarf – you should immediately remove their head. They’re as good as zombies, so we can only assume you have to use the same method to kill them.

And nobody – not anybody – should set foot in a Premier Inn in the UK. (Seriously, every detail in those places is purple.)

If we are strong, if we fight against this lilac tide, maybe one day our children can live in a world where “lavender” stays firmly in the fabric softener where it belongs, and “violet” goes back to being just a dowdy nanna name.

That day cannot possibly come too soon. Please Oprah, think of the children.

— Irish

Want to fight the good fight? Buy your anti-purple tee here.


One Response to “The Purple versus Clight’n’Irish”

  1. Netty Says:

    What an interesting point you raise. As my profession REQUIRES me to know every colour and what’s in and what’s out I am incredibly surprised that the chic Parisenne’s are even daring to go near purple. You will be happy to know it is all over for purple.. the “Purple Rain” (get it??) is over. For the next 3 seasons that I can see at least, it’s about all shades of blues and teal. And I admit some of these blues could be purples… depends on who you are asking on what day of the week, but Purple is now no longer the colour du jour.

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