An Open Letter to Paramount Pictures

Brad Grey
CEO, Paramount Pictures
5555 Melrose Avenue, Hollywood, CA

Dear Brad,

I am writing to you to ask for an explanation of your studio’s careless and miserly attitude toward providing the proverbial “green light” for the much anticipated sequel to possibly the greatest comedy film that any studio has ever released, which of course is “Anchorman: the legend of Ron Burgundy”.

News abounds across the inter-web-o-sphere that the actors are keen, and in fact willing to work for well below their normal market rates.  Fans are – as they say in the classics – “chomping at the bit”. And yet, Paramount stands between the good people of the world and their one decent chance of good entertainment.

When I ask myself why you might be being such a stubborn prat about making Anchorman 2, a few possible ‘excuses’ that you may offer, do come to mind:

  • Number 1 –  The scuttlebutt is that even though Anchorman was a cult hit grossing $85million in the US, you were not happy with it’s international appeal that only dropped in 5 more. So what you are telling us then is that “Paramount doesn’t care about America“. Got it!
  • Number 2 – you are completely oblivious to the fact that the first movie has become a cult classic. Obviously you have been sleeping under that giant rock in your studio logo. Anchorman has multiple Facebook pages, a million fans spread across them, and has spawned countless applications like “Which Anchorman character are you?”.  Can you say the same about Tropic Thunder? No. But you still made that.
  • Number 3 – you would rather keep making uncreative sequels and threequels of big franchise movies and feeding the masses more of the same crap. Who are you – the Burger King? Maybe Anchorman will get a second installment once you are done making the “Iron Man VI: Revenge of Rust” or your 17th Transformers film.

It just seems entirely crazy that you would be hesitating on Anchorman 2, and whether it will be a box office success, when not so long ago, you decided that “Drillbit Taylor” was a movie that the world needed to see.  Please do not be offended when I state that you are either stupid, sir, or just plain crazy.

And thus, we at Clight’n’Irish are forced to take matters into our own hands. If you are entirely motivated by cash, and not a love for comedy and the cinema, then we will have to deal in your currency. So today we announce the creation of:

The Clight’n’Irish Volunteer Fund for the Production of Anchorman 2

Via reader comments to this open letter, and to the associated Facebook fan page, we will begin collecting pledges from the wise citizens of the world who wish to see the return of classic American comedy to their cinema screens. The suggested pledge from interested fans is $15 – roughly the price of a box office ticket.  Of course, fans are free to pledge whatever it is worth to them to see this masterpiece completed.

We will keep you posted of the total of the above-mentioned pledges, and when they reach an amount that you believe satisfies the beasts in your cavernous money-pit, let us know and we will start calling in the cash.  All we ask is that each of those that donates is then listed in a long list of “Producers” in the credits of the film.

This is our commitment toward seeing this film produced. We look forward to you giving yours.

— Irish


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